Monday, December 02, 2013

Recap

It's December already?
Say whaaaat...

A little recap of 2013. 

Well it's my final year of education. Hopefully I will be done for good. 

It thought me quite a fair bit about friendship. 

Relationships? Well, hopefully I'm wiser now. 

I still look great, maybe better. 

Had lots of good food with good company. 

Finally filled up my 50sens coin box. Just started my second piggy bank. 

A pink sweater. 

Have faith cuz He has big plans for me. 

Overall, I'm pretty thankful for all the things I have and the people I've met. 
This journey has been good and I'm constantly learning and improving. 
Maybe there are certain questions that are best left unanswered because it's the experience of finding the answers that matters. 



Thursday, November 14, 2013

Maybe in a parallel universe, Dreams do come true.

Maybe in a parallel universe,

You would drop by as a surprise just because you wanted to.
Wanted to see me smile.
Wanted to see me happy.



Monday, November 11, 2013

Inked #2

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it is going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming. #inked #tattoo #arrow
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it is going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.

Friday, November 08, 2013

Can't catch up

Just recently I realized that it's already November. The end of 2013 is near and we are stepping into 2014 in less than 2 months.

Hopefully by next year I'm completely done with my studies so that I can finally step out into the working world to take up some of the responsibilities from my parents. Just because it's about time. I've been studying for quite a while.

Also, I'll be turning 25 next year. Holy cow, I'm gonna be in my mid-20s. No more early 20s. Ughhh...
I'm fine with my age. Just the category makes it sound unnecessarily 'old'.

Never knew how fast time has passed and I've already lived a quarter of a century.

Beginning of the year, I felt that there was so much time. However, now I feel like I don't have enough time.
Sometimes I wonder what have I achieved over the years.
Definitely gained some experience along the way.
Hopefully there will be bigger things to come in my life.
Can't wait for 2014! :D

Monday, September 30, 2013

Currently Playing: Waiting Game by Banks


Baby I'm thinking it over What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start

Monday, September 16, 2013

Room for happiness

I remember praying that my previous relationship would get better and have a better outcome. 
It didn't get better. However, I did receive the better outcome. 
It's funny how life works. 

Things may seem rough at first but you always need a down to get back up. 
Luckily I got back up pretty fast because I knew what is bad and what is good for me. 

Ever since I got rid of that bad poison in my life, I've never been so much better and happier. 
Sometimes we can't be blinded by what we think we should have. 
Instead letting go to see how your life is without it can give you a clearer image of how much better your life can be. 

So letting go it's a good thing. 
Especially letting go of the people who drag you down. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Yeah, this is for you, folks.

My final say

I know right now I'm not in the right state of emotion to say anything that will be rational because currently my mood consists of anger and annoyance.
So whatever I say now might offend a few people out there.

So yeah, I'm pissed.
Did I offend anyone?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder how long should I wait. 
I'm not impatient. Just don't wanna waste anyone's time. 
Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing is right. 
But then again, who knows what the future holds. 
Whether it will take me to the right path, I wouldn't know. 
Sometimes we just have to make mistakes to learn and grow. 
Maybe I'm being cautious. 
Maybe I'm just being careful of myself.
Sometimes I wish things were easier so I don't have to keep on wondering so much. 
Sometimes I wish it wouldn't have to hurt so much. 

Useful advice

I stumbled upon this article which I find very helpful and enlightening. 
It certainly helped me clarify most of my doubts. 

So here if is...

Hopefully it would help you like how it helped me. :)

Friday, September 06, 2013

Dirty Little Secret


What are the secrets that you'd die with?

Help?

Monday, September 02, 2013

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you

Have you ever wondered why does your life keeps getting fucked up all the time even though you think you're on the right track?
And somehow during these fucked up periods, you just have to pick up the mess on your own.

Instead of just abandoning someone at their lowest, why don't take the time to help them get back up?
At least 'try'. No harm trying right?
If you can help a blind man cross the road, what's so hard to being there for someone during a hard time?
I'm sure you wouldn't want to be abandoned during the lowest point of your life.
So help another one out in times of need.
It's better to give than to receive.

I always wonder if there's anything that I did wrong to deserve such events in my life.
I blame myself because its my mistake for taking the wrong step in the first place.
It's my life, my decisions, my consequences to bear.

I don't expect anyone to volunteer as tribute just because they feel that they have to.
Its a different thing altogether if the situation is when they want to.

I always take time to contemplate about my life, goals and directions.
Honestly, there's no certainty because things change all the time and the most important part is to adapt to these changes and make the best out of it.
Instead of sitting there and whine about how life is unfair.

I know I have my under the weather days. I might blame everyone for not caring about me at that moment.
But at the end of the day, I know that there are people who care.
It's just that I'm really hard on myself and always thinking that I'm no good for anyone.
That my presence is just a mere existence.

Although I do dream that my existence is able to make a change and contribute to something bigger.


Music speaks the words unsaid

So I stumbled upon this song. Was attracted to the title of it.
All I can say that it's a good song. It definitely is.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Where we are

It's a different course I'm taking. 
Unlike the usual ones that I go through all the time. 

It's all new to me and it makes me curious. Wondering what's the next step? When's the right time? How is this gonna turn out? 

There's only so much I can do or ask. 
I'm in no rush for results but all I want is assurance to ensure that everything is aligned. 

Even then, no one can be too sure of anything. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

When will I ever learn?

I never seem to learn from the past. 
Instead I keep doing the same thing that leads to the same results. 

Sigh, just wish I had better control of myself. 
Need to get a grip. 


Sunday, August 25, 2013

The anthem

Don't break me down
I've been travelin' too long
I've been trying too hard
With one pretty song




"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."


I'm not a pessimist, just a skeptic

"You think too much"
"Don't be so negative"
"Don't be too hard on yourself"

That's what people always tell me. But here's why.

"You think too much"

I'm a female. The female's brain is designed to think a lot whereby everything you do is somehow connected. We do not categorize things, somehow everything is related because we care about how certain actions will affect other aspects our life. In other words, I'm just being thoughtful and care about my surroundings in the most selfless way you can ever imagine.


"Don't be so negative"

I'm not a pessimist, just a skeptical creature who believes that not all that glitters is gold. Somehow there's a catch somewhere. Although I do believe that there are some instances that are genuine. I know my assumptions may seem negative but maybe I got this from my mom's expect the worst attitude. That's just how she brought me up.


"Don't be too hard on yourself"

Self quality control maybe? But I guess this is also part of the expect the worst attitude where I feel that somehow something will screw up and its because of something that I did wrong somewhere. Honestly, I am not aware of what I'm doing right in my life, I only know that whatever I do somehow will fuck things up somewhere.

I did ask, "Tell me what I'm doing right?"
He answered, "Being yourself."
That is, to me, the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.

Afraid

When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place 
When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might end up being me

Monday, July 29, 2013

Hope you like it

So I've the mood to bake some chocolate chips today.
Maybe because I'm feeling thankful and wanna give something back to those who have been so nice to me lately.
Hopefully they taste ok. Haha. 


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Food Foundry

Food Foundry has been on my Places To Go list for quite awhile.
It was definitely an unexpected surprise but it was a good surprise indeed. 

I love the taco salad. Since I'm such a huge fan of tex mex food, I would say this is really interesting and good. 


Besides that, their carbonara spaghetti is ok but pretty bland. 

But I would really wanna come back for the taco salad because it's that awesome. :D


24

Hi world!
So I've officially turned 24 and so far, everything is just awesome. 
I feel really blessed that I have so many special people who care so much about me. 
All I want for my birthday this year is to spend time with my favorite people and just be happy. 
When I blew out the candle, I just wished for one thing - happiness
Happiness is all I want in my life. 
I'm not asking for presents or such bcos all I want is just to live a happy life. That's all. 
And so far I'm very happy. 
Well even happier today bcos it's so touching when people would do that little extra just for you. 


It's not about the destination, it's the journey that matters. :)

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Things happen when you least expect

Looking at how things are going, it seems pretty obvious where we're heading to. 
But there's a part of me that's allowing room for the worst cuz you'll never know what can happen. 
Hopefully nothing goes wrong la. Haha..
Just have to keep being optimistic about everything :D
Patience and time is much needed as well. 

Right now, I'm glad that I have such special people in my life who never fail to make my day :)

Like I always say, things happen when you least expect. 
This is definitely one of it. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Knock You Down

I never thought I'd... be in love like this 
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip 
And you came in... and knocked me on my face 
Feels like I'm in a race 
But I... already won first place
;)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Like a small kid all over again

These few days have been awesome.
I feel like a small kid all over again. Sometimes it feels like high school as well. 
Being the little sneaky girl as I am, it's fun to let people play the guessing game. 
Some of them, the curious ones especially, have the most epic faces which is totally hilarious. 
At some point, the question marks are visible above their heads. Lol

But seriously, this is my life and I live it my way. 
I'm not here to accommodate and entertain others all the time. 
I too, need my own time and space to do things that I want. Things that make me happy. 
I'm sorry I can't be making everyone happy all the time while I'm struggling my ass off. 
Because I realized that being too nice ends up with me being taken advantage of, eventually. 
So I apologize if you find me being a tad selfish but then again, I'm doing things that make ME happy. 

And what else make me happy? 
Dresses that makes me look cute!
=D


Narcissism overload right there ^
Hehe..

Well internship starting tomoro. 
Feeling nervous about it but hopefully everything will go well. :)




Friday, July 12, 2013

Fuck this shit

I need to keep reminding myself of the risks involved. 
I can't let it get to me again.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Life is a funny thing

Sometimes the things that happen in life are always the least expected. 
Somehow I feel like I'm living in a teenage movie or sometimes a HK drama - which is totally unnecessary. 
But right now, I'm pretty happy with how my life turned out to be. 
Never knew that little things can lead to such big impacts over a short period of time. 
Actually it was something that I never thought would happen in my ordinary life. 
But then again, we will never know the surprises of life if we don't take that very first step. 
Whatever it is, just enjoy the journey. :)

Monday, July 08, 2013

Clumsy Clumsy

Was just browsing around some songs and found this..
Damnnn....
Just can't stop smiling when I heard this part..hahaha

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me 
This love sick thing 
I like serious relationships and a 
A girl like me don't stay single for long 
Cause everytime a boyfriend and I break up 
My world is crushed and I'm all alone 
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back



Friday, July 05, 2013

Say hello to koala girl!

My fav pic so far :D


Story behind this pic is I was accompanying my baby sis in the hospital for 3 nights. 
She broke her leg in school and had to undergo surgery. 
As the big sis, I wanted to be there for her, whether is to take care or to entertain her. 
I just wanted to make sure that they wont feel alone. 
Now she's back home and everything is fine. 
Hopefully she will be able to recover soon. 

:)

Monday, July 01, 2013

A feeling

This feeling. 
I wish it'd go away. 
It's the wrong feeling to have as of now. What's more important is the safety of my sister. 
This feeling might sound petty if I mention it out. 
So maybe it's best to just keep it to myself. 

Saturday, June 22, 2013

The final decision.


Sunday, June 09, 2013

I feel irrelephant

I got tricked by my own parents today.
They told me that we were going to kuala selangor for seafood lunch. 
I thought ok la, why not?
Turns out that their initial day trip to Ipoh plan never changed. 
So, I ended up in their parade. 
The parade which I've been trying to avoid this whole week. Ugh. 

Well, I guess I'm probably the elephant. 
The elephant that follows them around. 



Monday, June 03, 2013

Aussie breakfast at Antipodean, Bangsar

Another post written at 3am.
Just finished 2 assignments and figured I won't be able to make it for tomoro's 8am class, so what the hell.
Also, I just got back my laptop and I haven't blogged with my laptop for ages.
Hehe..all thanks to the convenience of iPhone apps.

This morning started off with an awesome meal of Aussie breakfast at Antipodean.
I would recommend to go there during weekdays and non peak hours.
Because my mom was super curious about that place, being the good daughter that I am, I accompanied her and waited for 45 minutes.

Probably what I like best about that place is their carnations.
They're just so pretty.
And maybe because I secretly like pretty flowers A LOT.




How can a coffee addict be not tempted by their long menu of coffee?
Therefore, I had latte. 
Somehow I find their design here a bit more creative, which is called the 'oops I messed up this cup so I'm just gonna doodle something nice'.


I had the salmon omelette which was really good and salmony. Not sure if this is a word but hey, its also omega-y as well.
It's quite a big piece here. I do wonder how many eggs were used to make this big piece of goodness.
Somehow the taste is a bit bland, that's where the chilli sauce comes in.




Of course, their signature Big Breakfast with the best sauteed mushrooms from heaven.
Guess I'm not the only one who complains about the toast being a tad too hard. Even my momma said so.
But overall, as the saying goes, 'start your day with a healthy breakfast'..so here you go...to last you until dinner.



Now, I feel awfully tricked  by all the reviews for their Banana pancake with butterscotch.
Yes, it looks nice and it tasted nice at the first bite.
But if you're gonna finish it, get ready as you're gonna feel like you've just poured a whole bottle of baking soda into your mouth like there's no tomoro.



*As you can guess, this post is a result of me having nothing else better to do but I have photos of nice food.
Enjoy.

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Questions

I always wonder what's the point of me being in this life?

Then the thoughts come back to the basic promises that were made from the very beginning. 
The reason why it all started. 

So many beautiful promises. 

But come to think of it, they were made for a gain. 
After the gain, things just change. 

It is visible to the eye and heart of how things slowly fade right in front of you. 

Being the person that I am, of course I wouldn't give up without a fight. 
But what if I'm the only one fighting, while the other just sits under a shady tree and eats the apple. 

Then why am I in this battlefield in the first place. 
Might as well I find my own apple tree and just let it be. 

Changes. It's inevitable. 
The worst thing is to see it happening right in front of you but they are totally unaware of it. 
And to top it all of, it's for a selfish gain. 

Then why would you want to drag someone into something that wasn't even meant to be shared?

I will never understand people. 
They are equivalent to ticking time bombs. 
You'll never know what to expect or what's their next move no matter how much you know this person. 

_____________________

Fight fear for the selfish pain,
It was worth it every time. 

Friday, May 31, 2013

Hidden chapters

Sometimes I rather not talk about my problems. 
First of all, I don't really have anyone to talk to who's empathetic enough to understand my situation. 
Secondly, it's a recurring problem and it gets tiring to just mention it. 
That's why I'd rather just ignore it and just keep it to myself. 
I'm sure I will be able to find the solution on my own. 
I'll just have to see how things go. 

At the end, it feels like it's just me picking up the pieces and placing it together. 
I thought I wouldn't have to do this alone. 
Apparently, there's more than what I expected. 

Didn't expect it to turn out like this. 
Neither did I expect perfection. 
All I wanted was happiness
Is that too much to ask for?

Appreciation

Without realizing it, June is this coming Saturday and we are already halfway thru 2013. 
Time really flies in a blink of an eye. 
Memories are made. 
Changes have taken place. 
Everything just happens around us. 
Sometimes we get too caught up with ourselves that we have forgotten how to take a break and smell the roses. 
Sometimes people get so caught up with earning money that they neglect their loved ones. 

Just a little gesture of appreciation can bring warmth into their hearts.
Showing some love to remind and assure them of their significance in your life. 
It's the simple things that can motivate the other to continue providing love, care and support no matter what the situation is. 

Unfortunately, this is often overlooked by many. 
Maybe they don't see the need to do so because the focus is on elsewhere. 

But at the end of the day, in order to not let them stray, it's all about appreciation
 

Changes

So I've made the decision to quit my part time job to focus on my studies. 
I guess the workload, pressure, and time consumed has really taken a toll on me. 
Also bcos I'm afraid that I will be interrupted during my exam period like the last semester. 
I really don't want that to happen again bcos it really made me worry so much about my results after that. 
I was so worried that I have to spend an extra semester if I fail any subject. 
But thank goodness I managed to pass all those five subjects and I'm able to move on to my second semester. 
It has even come to a point where I don't even have time to think about my studies bcos all I worry about is work work work. 
That's why I thought taking time off to focus on my main priority would be a better choice. 
Since my main goal now is to graduate by this year, I must do my best to achieve that so I can actually start working full time and take on the role of providing. 
Not only do I have projects but I have my thesis and internship coming up soon as well which is around July. 
So actually I only have a one-month break, that's all. 
In other words, I only have one month of the true student life before the torture kicks in. 

It's kind of a relief for me that now I can fully concentrate on my studies. 
I'm thankful that my colleagues and parents are supportive of my decision. 
I definitely learnt a lot but I will definitely continue learning everyday as long as I'm here in this world. 
It's just another one of those decisions in life where I have to make for myself and accept the consequences that come along with it. 
I just hope that things will turn out fine and go smoothly. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Break up season?

Seems that a lot of couples are breaking up lately. 

I know it's easier said than done. 
But the most needed thing to recover is time. 
Time to heal and time for yourself to get back on your two feet again. 

Stay strong, Kim. 

Saturday, May 18, 2013

I'll trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday


If I spilled my guts
The world would never look at you the same way
Now I'm here to give you hope my love
So I can watch your face as I take it all away away away 

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Lesson never learnt

Same thing happening again from what I see.
I mean we did compromised after I said "try being in my shoes and understand how I feel."
But somehow same problem, different person.

Some lessons are never learnt.

Monday, April 22, 2013

When something bad happens..

Sometimes life may seem like its pouring all kinds of shit on you and you wonder when will it ever stop.
But the truth is, one problem may stop for the next new problem to come up.
So life is a never ending series of crap.
One after another.
We can't run away from it.
The only thing we can do is to fight it head on.
Avoiding problems is not gonna bring you anywhere.
It's just gonna come back to the surface again no matter how long you try to keep it under water.
But bad things might not seem that bad at the end of the day after you look back at how you fought the battle to bring you where you stand today.
Eventually, it becomes a lesson in life and it will strengthen you. 
Unless you repeat the same mistake again then no one can help you, of course.


How to handle life

Howdy?

I tend to change my hair color very often.
I still remember going ultra red last year.
It was madness.
It turned out pretty nice but after a few washes, it became orange. Ugh...

My red head moment..

It's hard to keep track of how I treat my hair since I treat it pretty much like an open canvas for color experiments.
I tend to change my hair whenever I go through I tough time.
It's like a retreat to change a bit and pamper a bit.
Some alone time.
I mean, it no one can pamper me, then let the hairdresser do it.
Maybe it's an alternative way for me to give myself a little bit of boost of esteem when times are rough.
Nice hair, better esteem.
It works somehow.
So this time its purple. Well, half purple half red.
I've been wanting this colour for awhile.
Hopefully it will last a little bit longer since they used Schwarzkopf hair dye and hair treatments.

Tadaa~~

Well, so far so good.
I'm not trying to fish for compliments but I would be happy to accept them.

So...the semester break has started and I'm just to lazy to do anything..
I just wanna bum around.
It's gonna be my last year of bumming around (T_T)
I better bum more..hahaha

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I am my own venom

Finally the cat is out of the bag.
Surprisingly, the closest people in my life are really darn right about me.
Even I don't know about this part of me as compared to them.
So yeah, apparently I'm my own poison to myself.
All this while I thought it was an external problem.
But at the end of the day, it was me all along.
As usual, I worry about things that don't exist in the first place.
Pretty mentally and emotionally unstable of me.
Oh what a mess I am..

Monday, April 15, 2013

Keep calm and live

I know I have a problem of thinking and worrying too much.
I've always been that way to myself but little did I know that it actually affects the people around me too.
It's pretty selfish actually but honestly, I really wasn't aware of it.
I worry a lot over the things that I care most about.
Somehow I'm just afraid of losing what I hold close to my heart.
Thus, my insecurities affect my confidence which also takes a toll on the people around me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. This is not the person I was.
I want to be like my old confident, happy go lucky self again.
But first of all, I must try to be more positive.
Then build up my confidence and get rid of my insecurities.
I don't like being this panicky person who gets freaked out by every little thing.
Thank God I have someone who managed to talk some sense into me and made me realize my mistakes.
If not, I think this problem would keep on snowballing and become a bigger disaster.
I know I've been advised to not focus and worry too much over the little things, instead focus on the bigger opportunities in life.
I mean yeah, it makes more sense but somehow I was just stuck in this situation which kept me going in circles over small issues which were not even issues in the first place.
Luckily, I managed to find a way out of this mess.
At the end of the day, I admit that the problem was me.
Me being too worried.
Me being too panicky.
Me thinking too much.
I really need to get myself back on the right track in order to get a grip of myself.
Hopefully things will slowly turn out better after this after realizing my mistakes.

I'm sorry for upsetting you. You know I don't mean to and thank you for bearing with me.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Expectations vs Reality

I know I'm not tall enough.
I know I'm not cute enough.

Maybe my height can be fixed with high heels.
Maybe my lack of cuteness can be fixed with make up.

But why would I wanna change all that about me?
Even then, how can I change so much if I'm just gonna feel uncomfortable the whole time?

I am comfortable with my average Asian female height at 160cm.
My face is genetically engineered so I really can't do much about it unless I go for cosmetic surgery.

I know that the most desired these days are those Korean girls.
Well, I'm a Chinese girl. I'm sure there's some desired things about Chinese girls. -.-

But at the end of the day, I wouldn't know how to change so much to please others because I'm only best at being myself.
Whether I'm being silly, PMSy, funny...it's all me, Stefanie.

I'm adaptable but I don't conform.
So what you see is what you get.

Unappreciated all the damn time

Somehow whatever I do seems to go down the drain..
Or just treated as a joke.
It's really hurtful when I put effort into helping someone sincerely but instead, I get slapped in the face.
Then what's the point of helping?
I help because I care.
And when I care, I really do fuckin care.

Do you think you would help that same person again after being treated like shit?

Why is it so hard to appreciate the people around you?
Will you only start appreciating that person once that person leaves?

It's always too late to realize how important that person is in your life when they're not around anymore.

What's worse is when the person who helps, gets mocked in the face.
It's really the utmost stab in the heart that anyone can ever imagine.
Yet some people are just to selfish to know how the other party feels.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Past vs Present

When a person is filled with negative emotions, it's hard to recall the good memories as comfort at that very moment.
Generally, people would be more focused on current situations than past situations.
That's why making changes in the present would probably be more effective than fully relying on what you did in the past.
And if you expect someone to look back and remember all the things you did all the time, might as well have a nice archiving system or a self-decorated history book.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Miracles?

Somehow I've been kinda creeped out by some things that I have seen.
I don't know what to make of it but some people say its a miracle.
But how is that a miracle?
I mean, what do I get from that?
I'm not saying it from a selfish point of view but somehow I just don't understand what's going on.
I need answers.
I can't just see things and just ignore it.

Hmm..I really wanna know why.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

My worth?

Seems like I'm not good enough for anyone.
Whatever I do is wrong in everyone's eyes.
Somehow I'm the one with the problem while everyone else is right.

Guess nobody will ever know how's it like being me because no one has ever walked in my shoes.

Or maybe I just don't belong here.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Doubts, they come and go

Sometimes I just wish I knew how to control myself and my thoughts.
But its hard to do so when I'm being led by all these unfavoured gestures.
Moreover, words are like knives.
They just come right at me in silence.
I know that I can't change a tiger's stripes.
So I have to accept it as it is.
Even though it really upsets me most of the time.
I wish I knew what to do.
I wish there was a sign that could tell me that I'm making the right decision.
On the other hand, it seems like a really big test for me and my patience.
Somehow I'm just not sure if its worth my time or not.
Even though I put some effort into it, it felt like I just wasted it all as I look at it going down the drain.

One thing for sure is that change is inevitable.
Some things just fade off as time goes by.
Only left now are the memories of the times when things were fresh and every little detail mattered.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

March on..

And....here we are in another month..
More assignment due dates are piling up.
Project 2013 just started.
I miss being too free.

I want my semester break.
I want holidays.
I want good food.
I want coffee.

It's really hard to keep track of everything when there's so many things..

Hmm..procrastination is evil.
Being lazy is even worse.

But hopefully I can get through it.
Need to pass this sem in order to graduate ASAP.

Even though my parents say that there's no rush to graduate, but I want to.
I need this for myself and I shall achieve it.

Somehow I do wonder, what am I gonna turn out to be once I step out into the working world?

Will I be successful?
Will I be just another normal employee?
Or just a lousy one?

Well, of course I hope for the best.
Who doesn't?

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Another sleepless night

It really sucks to wake up at 3am and not being able to fall back to sleep.
Instead, my head keeps replaying all the moments which I could have acted otherwise.
I guess this is also another word for regret.
But it's kinda too late for that.

I'm always trying to fix things.
But not everything can be fixed or avoided.
Somehow I just have to put up a brave front and accept it as it is.

I know I'm an emotional person.
I really can't help it.
I tried changing but how long it lasts is always another issue.
It's like asking someone to change their character.

I really do hate myself so much for being so emotional. Sometimes I wish I was a robot or maybe a guy. Since guys can be heartless at times.

But it's hard. Like what my friend said 'I have so much love to give'.
How can you restrict someone like that from emotions?
It's like caging up a bird.

I'm also very sensitive to changes.
Yes, I realized this whenever I freak out and worry whenever something changes.
For example, when certain words are said less, I get upset and remind. But then again, if I'm always reminding and telling what to do, it won't be willing and genuine anymore.
Then it will lose its meaning and become a chore.

But what can I do?

Sigh. Life with people is so complicated.

I guess I can't do much.
Maybe just pray for myself to be a little bit stronger so I won't have to be a burden to anyone who wants me in their life.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

What I brought upon myself

Things were fine and happy.
Until I decided to think about it and TRY to instigate it.
Unfortunately, it failed and made me disappointed.
But I feel so stupid for being disappointed over it.
It's like, I shouldn't have asked or even thought about it.
I would have remained happy if I just went with the flow.
I totally ruined everything for myself.
It's all MY wrong doing knowing that it wouldn't happen.
I really brought this upon myself.

Not only that, it's also making me wonder so much about the factors of my failure.
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I lacking something?

Just wish I can sort everything out.
And block all the negativity.

Why am I such an idiot?
It's just frustrating.

On another note, I know I can't force you to say things that you don't usually say.
I guess it's ok. Maybe I just need to get used to it.
Even though its unspoken, deep down, I know what you really mean and I guess, I'll be ok.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Sorry to disappoint

I know I have been doing a lot of things that disappoint lately.
I dunno if it's PMS or just me and my flaws.
I know I can be really forgetful and careless.
I hope you can tolerate me and my flaws.
Sorry to put you through all that.
You know I love you and I don't mean to do all those things to hurt you.
I get really disappointed with myself too whenever I do something carelessly.
I wish I could be better than this.
Just need some time to practice and make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes.

Almost 4am

Wow it's almost 4am and I'm still awake!
Well, bcos somehow I got my mojo to finish up my take home quiz just a couple of hours ago. Plus printing it and pasting sticky notes all over to remind my sis to hand it up tomoro.
Yeah somehow my scumbag brain decides to lag when I have time to do my work. -.-

Ugh I feel so bad now bcos I missed the 'send' button to inform him that I got home. Stupid fingers. Hope you're not mad at me bebe boo.. (T_T)
This week is like my self proclaimed pre-CNY holiday because I have to guard the house due to all the renovation going on at home.
Today wasn't that boring cuz I had to do my quiz but tomoro, I don't really know what I'm gonna do. Hmm...
I'm still waiting for my pay day. Didn't really work that much last month cuz the project hasn't started yet. So yeah, not gonna expect much. :/

On another note, there's a few things that I wanna do!
The first one would be to watch Hansel and Gretel. But due to the upcoming festive season and busy schedules, I think I'll just have to wait for the download -.-
The second thing is to catch up on New Girl. I miss Jessica Day.
Thirdly, is to wear ALL my CNY clothes! So many clothes but have to resist until the new year..this is so difficult! D:
The fourth thing is to figure out what I'm gonna do for the upcoming special day for lovers. Hmm....this I shall ponder but I only have 10 days left to figure out. Gosh..
I don't wanna disappoint.
But lately I feel that I'm getting pretty sucky in all the romantic stuffs. Dammit.
Where did all my lovey dovey mojo go??

But I guess no matter what I do, it's the thought that counts. :D
So much things going on next week.
Gonna be busy busy busy...like a busy bee :p

Monday, February 04, 2013

Ugh

Despite a long weekend, it totally got ruined by a take home quiz.
Plus house cleaning.
Everything is just a big ball of ugh.

On the bright side, I've done my CNY shopping. Yay!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Don't you worry, child

I guess that advice did give me a sense of understanding and hope.
I do hope that I can overcome my fears and insecurities.
Honestly I believe that everything is fine between us, it's just that I have to fix myself first.
I hope that he can bear with me in this. I know I'm not perfect but I will try to be better than this.
I just need some time to learn and improve.

Actually I did question myself if I made the right decision.
However I never really thought of it that way, where learning to love the person you found can actually be the key to maintaining a relationship.
I guess it changed my perspectives on how I deal with relationships.
I believe I made the right decision by choosing him and all we need is time to learn more about each other.
Starting all over again is something I wouldn't want to experience too many times.
I really hope that he is the one for me.
And I do hope that he will always be persistent to be with me as well.
All I need is hope and faith that everything will fall into place.
I believe that we met for a reason and I'm curious about what is in for us in the future.
:)

Fantastic Monday

Korean food cravings satisfied.
Plus our usual coffee sessions.
:)



Am I with the right partner

Found this on Facebook.
I think it's a really good advice about relationships.
It's something that we all experience in a relationship, the feeling where you wonder if you're making the right decision.
I'm sure we all meet our partners for a reason but sometimes people let go too easily and make another choice too fast without putting much effort to make the current relationship work.
I just hope for the best in my current relationship now. I have faith that God will bless us with love and happiness :)

Hope you enjoy this like I did :)


AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Love you just a little too much


Baby, I'm a sociopath,
Sweet serial killer.
On the warpath,
'Cause I love you
Just a little too much.
I love you just
A little too much.
Much, much, much.

You can see me
Drinking cherry cola,
Sweet serial killer.
I left a love note,
Said you know I love,
The thrill of the rush.
You know I love,
The thrill of the rush.
Rush, rush, rush.

You send me right to heaven,
Sweet serial killer,
I guess I'll see him over.
Do it for the thrill of the rush,
Love you just a little too much, much.
You send me right to heaven,
Sweet serial killer,
I guess I'll see him over.
I love you just a little too much,
Love you just a little too much, much.



Monday, January 21, 2013

Sunday afternoon

Kickin it back with my bestie on a Sunday afternoon with a nice cup of chocolate goodness.
Doing what we always do and taking it easy.
Bliss.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Words like knives

Some people are just unaware that their words and even their tone can hurt another.
They wouldn't know that there's someone who cares and bothers to ask what's wrong bcos all they know is to shoot them down like they're the one at fault.
If it happens every time, do you think there will be a next?

Wow, what a day

My day started super early today at 6am bcos of an 8am class.
Gosh morning classes are always so draining. Moreover, in formal clothes, I felt like an oddball. -_-
I expected work today was just to attend a meeting just bcos all the supervisors across the country were here.
But once I got there, my manager told me I had to brief them in the meeting as well.
I wanted to die.

The last time I had to speak in front of a big crowd was during the 48 hour film event and I was nervous as fuck. I totally panicked and screwed up. :(

During the meeting, I was nervous at first. But luckily it was only a while.
Somehow I managed to speak!
And I actually know what I was talking about! :D
I even managed to answer some questions. Like I know my shizz...
But I know my weakness is that I talk too fast and I don't really know if I'm explaining well or not.

But this is my first time speaking to a non-student crowd in a professional way and so far so good, I guess. :p
Maybe bcos I'm used to giving presentations in uni. So, I'm sort of prepared for such spontaneous situations.
Yeah this is my first time and I'm thankful to my manager for giving me the opportunity to learn and experience these things.

I remember when I first started working here, I had no idea what I was doing. I was depressed and drained out all the time.
However, things are starting to look bright ahead and I'm really happy. :D

I know I'm a social awkward penguin and I don't talk much to people I don't know. Maybe this might make people think that I'm snobbish but actually I'm just shy.
Ugh, I need to come out from this shell.
But one at a time.

So far, I managed to be confident in speaking in front of a crowd which is a really big achievement for me as of now.

Then, the best part of the day was karaoke night with Joey. I've never sang until I got tired before.
Normally I don't bother singing -.-

It's been a long day indeed..like this post.
Hopefully no one wakes me up tomoro bcos I really need my sleep.

Well, hope u guys had a great day too!

Friday, January 18, 2013

It's all okay

I admit. I'm always a big ball of worry and I over worry every damn thing.
Maybe bcos I'm afraid of potential bad happenings that's why I always try so hard to prevent it or make things right.
But in fact, there was really nothing to worry about because everything is actually okay.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A weekly thing

Catching up with my besties every week.
What will I be without them? <3

I am better than this

Sometimes we let small matters get to us and affect us.
But is it worth it?
Is it worth being sad over small matters? No.
When I get upset, not only am I unhappy, but it will also affect the people around me.
Therefore, I promise myself not to let it get the best of me.
I won't let small matters steal my happiness away. It's not worth it.
I will not let small matters like these affect me, the people around me and my life.
I want to be the better than this and I believe I can.
Maybe I just need to practice more patience and understanding.
It may take some time but I will make sure that it won't get the best of me because I AM BETTER THAN THIS.


Monday, January 14, 2013

Ashamed

I'm ashamed of what I did.
I dunno whether it's bcos I'm PMSing or what but I feel so low after that. I have a feeling that its most likely PMS.
Cuz I'm a monster when I PMS.
Maybe it's bcos I wanted his attention so badly that I've succumbed to doing silly things like that.
Wish I could have better control of myself.
Wish I was better than this.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Hello 2013, how are you going to be like?

Its another new year and here we are making resolutions that will only last for a week.
That's why I don't bother making them. All I want for this year is to be happy and better than the last.

I asked myself and a few friends, "how can you sum up 2012?"
Some say its shit. Bravo.

As for me, 2012 was the year where I changed a whole fuckin lot.
Even the term 'turning point' might be a little bit of an understatement. Maybe I would describe it as a theme park, which includes all the rides whether they are the thrilling roller coasters, the happy merry-go-rounds, everything.
But it has taught me a lot about life for sure.
How unexpected things can be.
How anything could happen no matter how sure you are.
Maybe it has taught me to be a little bit tougher, more skeptical and more mature, I suppose.
2012 has been a good teacher for me and I'm thankful for that.

Well, people change and so have I.
Looking at myself today as compared to a year ago, there has definitely been a lot of changes.
And we will always be changing throughout our lives.
That's why we must always be adaptable to changes in order to become someone in this era.

Its funny how life works.
Suddenly you're in a rut but somehow there will be a silver lining and if you know how to pick yourself up and head into the right direction, things will work out.
But then again, you can never be too sure of what's in store for us in the future.

This is what I'm curious about for this year actually.
How my life is going to turn out in a year's time.
It's exciting bcos you'll never know what to expect.

One thing to kick start this year is a new belief.
Taking things slow to discover this new relationship.
I guess he has always been here but I never really acknowledge his presence.
Hopefully he will always be watching over me.