Sunday, February 10, 2013

Another sleepless night

It really sucks to wake up at 3am and not being able to fall back to sleep.
Instead, my head keeps replaying all the moments which I could have acted otherwise.
I guess this is also another word for regret.
But it's kinda too late for that.

I'm always trying to fix things.
But not everything can be fixed or avoided.
Somehow I just have to put up a brave front and accept it as it is.

I know I'm an emotional person.
I really can't help it.
I tried changing but how long it lasts is always another issue.
It's like asking someone to change their character.

I really do hate myself so much for being so emotional. Sometimes I wish I was a robot or maybe a guy. Since guys can be heartless at times.

But it's hard. Like what my friend said 'I have so much love to give'.
How can you restrict someone like that from emotions?
It's like caging up a bird.

I'm also very sensitive to changes.
Yes, I realized this whenever I freak out and worry whenever something changes.
For example, when certain words are said less, I get upset and remind. But then again, if I'm always reminding and telling what to do, it won't be willing and genuine anymore.
Then it will lose its meaning and become a chore.

But what can I do?

Sigh. Life with people is so complicated.

I guess I can't do much.
Maybe just pray for myself to be a little bit stronger so I won't have to be a burden to anyone who wants me in their life.

Thursday, February 07, 2013

What I brought upon myself

Things were fine and happy.
Until I decided to think about it and TRY to instigate it.
Unfortunately, it failed and made me disappointed.
But I feel so stupid for being disappointed over it.
It's like, I shouldn't have asked or even thought about it.
I would have remained happy if I just went with the flow.
I totally ruined everything for myself.
It's all MY wrong doing knowing that it wouldn't happen.
I really brought this upon myself.

Not only that, it's also making me wonder so much about the factors of my failure.
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I lacking something?

Just wish I can sort everything out.
And block all the negativity.

Why am I such an idiot?
It's just frustrating.

On another note, I know I can't force you to say things that you don't usually say.
I guess it's ok. Maybe I just need to get used to it.
Even though its unspoken, deep down, I know what you really mean and I guess, I'll be ok.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Sorry to disappoint

I know I have been doing a lot of things that disappoint lately.
I dunno if it's PMS or just me and my flaws.
I know I can be really forgetful and careless.
I hope you can tolerate me and my flaws.
Sorry to put you through all that.
You know I love you and I don't mean to do all those things to hurt you.
I get really disappointed with myself too whenever I do something carelessly.
I wish I could be better than this.
Just need some time to practice and make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes.

Almost 4am

Wow it's almost 4am and I'm still awake!
Well, bcos somehow I got my mojo to finish up my take home quiz just a couple of hours ago. Plus printing it and pasting sticky notes all over to remind my sis to hand it up tomoro.
Yeah somehow my scumbag brain decides to lag when I have time to do my work. -.-

Ugh I feel so bad now bcos I missed the 'send' button to inform him that I got home. Stupid fingers. Hope you're not mad at me bebe boo.. (T_T)
This week is like my self proclaimed pre-CNY holiday because I have to guard the house due to all the renovation going on at home.
Today wasn't that boring cuz I had to do my quiz but tomoro, I don't really know what I'm gonna do. Hmm...
I'm still waiting for my pay day. Didn't really work that much last month cuz the project hasn't started yet. So yeah, not gonna expect much. :/

On another note, there's a few things that I wanna do!
The first one would be to watch Hansel and Gretel. But due to the upcoming festive season and busy schedules, I think I'll just have to wait for the download -.-
The second thing is to catch up on New Girl. I miss Jessica Day.
Thirdly, is to wear ALL my CNY clothes! So many clothes but have to resist until the new year..this is so difficult! D:
The fourth thing is to figure out what I'm gonna do for the upcoming special day for lovers. Hmm....this I shall ponder but I only have 10 days left to figure out. Gosh..
I don't wanna disappoint.
But lately I feel that I'm getting pretty sucky in all the romantic stuffs. Dammit.
Where did all my lovey dovey mojo go??

But I guess no matter what I do, it's the thought that counts. :D
So much things going on next week.
Gonna be busy busy busy...like a busy bee :p

Monday, February 04, 2013

Ugh

Despite a long weekend, it totally got ruined by a take home quiz.
Plus house cleaning.
Everything is just a big ball of ugh.

On the bright side, I've done my CNY shopping. Yay!