Thursday, August 28, 2014

I'm the fool

I don't think you know what I want.
Even if you do, you'll just push it aside and insist that your way is the best.

You know, I thought I could live the life which I've always dreamed of.
But maybe its not as possible as it may seem.
Maybe because I'm building sandcastles on my own and every time the waves come to wash it away, I try to build it again.
It goes on and on..

Maybe I'm the foolish one who's still believing in this fairy tale which is just a myth after all.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Why?

Why would you give me more reasons to care less about you?

It's not that I want to but you made me this way.

Maybe I am Damaged.

I remember being all defensive when someone labelled me as a 'damaged' person.
I didn't believe that bcos I thought I have always been a very strong, independent person with directions and goals that can get me far in life.
Like a successful woman with dreams come true.

But come to think of it..now, maybe I'm not as dynamic as I thought I was.
Maybe, all those are just castles that I built in the sky to cover up what's lying on the inside.

I mean, I wouldn't be sad most of the time if I had such positive and motivating attitude, right?

Instead, I am sad and confused most of the time.
I cry all the time, whether there is a reason to or not.
My future is a big blur.
I hate making decisions for myself, especially big ones.
I question myself, my actions, my decisions and my purpose all the time.

There is no hope anymore in the things I once believed in.
I used to believe so strongly despite being let down so many times.
Maybe all this while, I was just a fool to my own fantasy.
To actually believe that dreams do come true.
Well, it doesn't.

I feel like this world can do pretty much well without me.
I mean really, what difference do I make?
To the world, to anyone at all?

I am replaceable. There is no doubt about that.
And maybe it is true that I am a damaged person.
Bcos I'm pretty much good for nothing.