Monday, December 19, 2016

2329

I thought I can change my perception about life after reading The Monk who Sold his Ferrari.
Well, it did, for a moment.
Unfortunately, the positivity didn't really quite stick to me that long.

I keep having all these thoughts in my head over the things that are happening.
Often thinking that the outcome is probably bad, as usual.

Is it because I'm so used to being in the rut that I often conclude that my life is pretty much gonna end the same way as it always has.

I always hope that things will be different this time, as cliche as it sounds.
But honestly, I really do hope and live the chance to say something like that.
It would be nice if things turn out the way I want to.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

2354

One thing I like about working is that it keeps your mind occupied.
So there isn't time for you to over think certain situations in your life.
But once you're off the clock, that's when you have time to think and then, over think.
Very unhealthy, I know.
But I keep reminding myself to stay positive.
Giving the benefit of the doubt for all these situations.
Every night, I comfort myself by telling myself that everything is ok.
Maybe actually, everything IS ok. It's just that I feel that there's always more than meets the eye.
But would I really know?
Would I really know the whole truth if it's meant to be a lie?

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

0120

I wonder if I can be nocturnal.
Live the night, and sleep the day.
Somehow the night time of the day feels so much safer than the day.
Perhaps there's less nonsense to deal with when everyone is asleep.
Doing everything that you want under the dark sky without the crowd.
Watch the moon and stars light up the sky every night while listening to the insects sing at night.
That peace, comfort and solitude.
Sounds just about right.
Just me, myself and the night.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Midnight thoughts

Probably the biggest change this year is changing my job to a much more challenging one. Somehow I'm still surviving, but for how long more is another episode.

I should probably lose more weight.

I can feel myself getting older. I probably look so too.

Am I making him feel too comfortable? Maybe I should start setting some limits.

I need to find a better book to read. But which one?

I need more money.

I like cooking. Maybe I can open up my own cafe.

Wonder how cold it is in Japan next year. Should I bring more jackets?

Are we on the same page or drifting apart? I wonder what kind of future he sees with me. Or is there even one at all?

Why am I having so much sleepless nights?

Can I die due to lack of sleep and over working?

#icanteven

I think what my sister said is true.
To be bluntly honest because guys can't figure out what you want if you're beating around the bush.

I guess that's probably how I got more quality time, which is better than none.
Although, some things have changed, a lot..

But what really annoys me now is how his peers are trying to influence every aspect of his life to a point whereby he's just another dog jumping into their bandwagon. Although, he denies.

I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the unfavoured outsider due to my different taste in life. Plus, why the fuck should I comply to your standards? Who the hell do you think you are? I wouldn't be surprised as well if you're trying to brainwash him to your ideology.

However, sometimes I really get confused by him as well. Sometimes he's like against them but also he's with them. Like, I don't even get it.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

What are we doing?

It seems off track, perhaps a little lost as we traveled here.
Now we seem to be like strangers on the same train.
What happened in between is not quite clear.
Or maybe I'm having a rush of emotions which I'm dealing in my head, and in my head only.
It feels a little different and I'm not quite sure why.
Things look the same but feels different.
And I wonder why.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

I want to read you

If I could, I would read you like a book.
Know your introduction, your climax and every chapter. I want to know your story.
But only if you would let me read you.
Instead of just shutting off and appear as a blank page.
I want to know more if you would let me to.
I want to know how you see me in your eyes.
I want to how you feel when you think about me, when you see me.
I want to know what you see in me.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Didn't see that comin'

I've been waiting all week for the weekend.
Only to end it with more waiting and misery.
To the extend, I don't even know if I should bother so much anymore.
Somehow things are under a different light from my perspective.
Some things don't feel as important as they used to.
Sadly how things end up in the same scenario again.
Maybe I'm just cursed that way.

Saturday, January 02, 2016

Waiting game

How would you feel if you waited the whole day to find out that you have to keep on waiting?

And deep down you know that you'll only meet at the very last minute of the day.

At the same time you wonder about priorities.

Friday, January 01, 2016

Reminder 2016

That whole 'new year, new me' bullshit is not happening.

Instead, a reminder to myself for 2016:

1. Don't trust anyone so easily. Keep some distance just in case that person decides to change their mind.

2. Love yourself a little bit more, no matter how difficult it is. No matter who tries to put you down, just chin up and try to love yourself.

3. Stop expecting. Expectations kill you.

4. Be a tough cookie. People will always try to hurt you verbally and emotionally. Probably they're just jealous of your awesomeness.

5. Bffs are forever and always.

6. Spend less time on social media, especially FB because thats the place where everyone has the need to show off their happiness. And it takes a toll on you, thinking that your life sucks as compared to theirs. But that is not entirely true. Just because you choose to show off less doesn't mean you have a miserable life. It just shows that you're not a showy person. An introvert, ya know. I'm glad I'm aware of how this can affect me so I'm gonna tell myself to spend less time scrolling on that. However, twitter and blogs are different because I tend to just post and ciao. I don't really bother reading stuff there.

So yeah, cheers to me!

Dream

You stayed for such a short time.
I didn't wanna sleep because I know once I close my eyes, I'm wasting time away.
I've been waiting all day for that little time with you.
Now I'm awake and you're gone.
Somehow I wish you could stay longer.
The time we had was like a dream.
Somehow it feels like I'm waiting all over again.
But I had to be selfless so that others can be selfish.

I wonder if you know how much it means to me to be with you.
Sometimes I wonder how you feel about me. I wish I knew how deep is your love.
I'm so afraid to give in more and to be returned with nothing all over again.