Saturday, September 09, 2017

1447

So, 4 months have passed and here I am keeping my head above water.
At times I get a bit too overwhelmed by the taste of freedom.
But it is something that I needed, the freedom to be me.
I admit I do feel lost from time to time.
But you need to be lost to be found.
Like having nothing to know you had everything.
I guess this is just the beginning...

Thursday, May 11, 2017

0243

I thought I was free from this burden. But I guess these things take time to get away from.
Then here you are, asking to come back.
It's tormenting.
A part of me wants you to get out for good.
Then another part of me wants you to stay.
But the part where I want you to stay is the part when things were happy, not what you are now.
Things changed because you got off track. But even you get back on, will we still be on the same train?
Or will I be wanting to get off that train?
I really don't know what I want right now.
I don't know where to go from here.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

0055

I don't know whether to be relieved by the answers that I've gotten tonight.
It's comforting to know what you think of me.
However, knowing that you're lost in life scares me.
I wish I can give you more reasons to look forward to but unfortunately, that's all you need from me.
What you're looking for is something that i couldn't give.
Knowing that I couldn't provide that part for you saddens me.
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you to be contented.
I guess this is my fault for making you too​ comfortable.
Why do i feel like loving too much is never a good thing?
At the end of the day, I'm the one at the losing end.
Waking up next to someone yet, feeling so lonely.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

0443

I've come to accept things as they are.
To be constantly pondering over the same old issues is not going to get me anywhere.
I'm just going to end up being upset over and over again.

It's funny how the same situations keep reappearing at different faces.
Maybe it's my problem that I'm always so giving.
My mother always tell me not to be always giving and don't give too much.
Because I always end up at the losing end.
No mother would want to see their child heartbroken over and over again.
Somehow I'm always forgetting this lesson despite facing the same outcome numerous times.

Maybe I'm stubborn.
Maybe I give too much.
Maybe I love too much.
Without knowing how to be loved back.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

2305

Sometimes I really wonder how long do some things last in life.
Whether it is for a minute, a year, a decade, whatever.
No one really knows.
And you have people who say appreciate what you have while it's still here.
But what if not everyone feels the same way?
What if not everyone wants what they currently have?
Maybe they're still not sure and still searching for deeper answers.

It would be sad to know that it could end up that way as I've already built so much along the way.
And to end up just watching everything fall apart again, it would be devastating.
But even if it happens, what can i do?
At times, I really wonder if we're all on the same page or not.
I wonder if you've decided or not.