Monday, April 22, 2013

When something bad happens..

Sometimes life may seem like its pouring all kinds of shit on you and you wonder when will it ever stop.
But the truth is, one problem may stop for the next new problem to come up.
So life is a never ending series of crap.
One after another.
We can't run away from it.
The only thing we can do is to fight it head on.
Avoiding problems is not gonna bring you anywhere.
It's just gonna come back to the surface again no matter how long you try to keep it under water.
But bad things might not seem that bad at the end of the day after you look back at how you fought the battle to bring you where you stand today.
Eventually, it becomes a lesson in life and it will strengthen you. 
Unless you repeat the same mistake again then no one can help you, of course.

How to handle life


I tend to change my hair color very often.
I still remember going ultra red last year.
It was madness.
It turned out pretty nice but after a few washes, it became orange. Ugh...

My red head moment..

It's hard to keep track of how I treat my hair since I treat it pretty much like an open canvas for color experiments.
I tend to change my hair whenever I go through I tough time.
It's like a retreat to change a bit and pamper a bit.
Some alone time.
I mean, it no one can pamper me, then let the hairdresser do it.
Maybe it's an alternative way for me to give myself a little bit of boost of esteem when times are rough.
Nice hair, better esteem.
It works somehow.
So this time its purple. Well, half purple half red.
I've been wanting this colour for awhile.
Hopefully it will last a little bit longer since they used Schwarzkopf hair dye and hair treatments.


Well, so far so good.
I'm not trying to fish for compliments but I would be happy to accept them.

So...the semester break has started and I'm just to lazy to do anything..
I just wanna bum around.
It's gonna be my last year of bumming around (T_T)
I better bum more..hahaha

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I am my own venom

Finally the cat is out of the bag.
Surprisingly, the closest people in my life are really darn right about me.
Even I don't know about this part of me as compared to them.
So yeah, apparently I'm my own poison to myself.
All this while I thought it was an external problem.
But at the end of the day, it was me all along.
As usual, I worry about things that don't exist in the first place.
Pretty mentally and emotionally unstable of me.
Oh what a mess I am..

Monday, April 15, 2013

Keep calm and live

I know I have a problem of thinking and worrying too much.
I've always been that way to myself but little did I know that it actually affects the people around me too.
It's pretty selfish actually but honestly, I really wasn't aware of it.
I worry a lot over the things that I care most about.
Somehow I'm just afraid of losing what I hold close to my heart.
Thus, my insecurities affect my confidence which also takes a toll on the people around me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. This is not the person I was.
I want to be like my old confident, happy go lucky self again.
But first of all, I must try to be more positive.
Then build up my confidence and get rid of my insecurities.
I don't like being this panicky person who gets freaked out by every little thing.
Thank God I have someone who managed to talk some sense into me and made me realize my mistakes.
If not, I think this problem would keep on snowballing and become a bigger disaster.
I know I've been advised to not focus and worry too much over the little things, instead focus on the bigger opportunities in life.
I mean yeah, it makes more sense but somehow I was just stuck in this situation which kept me going in circles over small issues which were not even issues in the first place.
Luckily, I managed to find a way out of this mess.
At the end of the day, I admit that the problem was me.
Me being too worried.
Me being too panicky.
Me thinking too much.
I really need to get myself back on the right track in order to get a grip of myself.
Hopefully things will slowly turn out better after this after realizing my mistakes.

I'm sorry for upsetting you. You know I don't mean to and thank you for bearing with me.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Expectations vs Reality

I know I'm not tall enough.
I know I'm not cute enough.

Maybe my height can be fixed with high heels.
Maybe my lack of cuteness can be fixed with make up.

But why would I wanna change all that about me?
Even then, how can I change so much if I'm just gonna feel uncomfortable the whole time?

I am comfortable with my average Asian female height at 160cm.
My face is genetically engineered so I really can't do much about it unless I go for cosmetic surgery.

I know that the most desired these days are those Korean girls.
Well, I'm a Chinese girl. I'm sure there's some desired things about Chinese girls. -.-

But at the end of the day, I wouldn't know how to change so much to please others because I'm only best at being myself.
Whether I'm being silly, PMSy,'s all me, Stefanie.

I'm adaptable but I don't conform.
So what you see is what you get.

Unappreciated all the damn time

Somehow whatever I do seems to go down the drain..
Or just treated as a joke.
It's really hurtful when I put effort into helping someone sincerely but instead, I get slapped in the face.
Then what's the point of helping?
I help because I care.
And when I care, I really do fuckin care.

Do you think you would help that same person again after being treated like shit?

Why is it so hard to appreciate the people around you?
Will you only start appreciating that person once that person leaves?

It's always too late to realize how important that person is in your life when they're not around anymore.

What's worse is when the person who helps, gets mocked in the face.
It's really the utmost stab in the heart that anyone can ever imagine.
Yet some people are just to selfish to know how the other party feels.