Tuesday, December 29, 2015

View from here

I don't expect anyone to understand why I'm awake at this hour, worrying, crying..
Mainly because it is not happening to them.
People can never be truly empathetic if they have never gone through that situation before.
Some may think that I'm overreacting or I have bad control over my emotions.
But who are you to judge if you've never been in my shoes?

Another lesson I've learnt during this period is that you know where you stand in other people's lives.
How important you are to them, it all shows now.
It sucks to know where you actually stand in reality as compared to what they say.
But I guess this is reality.
This is what's really happening.
It may be hard to accept but its something that I have to live with.

This makes me wonder why people bother so much about getting attention from others when the world is so selfish?
I mean what's the point really?

So after this eye opener, I think it's always best to just keep everything to myself. It's better that way. I always feel that there's no use sharing information which are of no benefit to the other party. I mean, why would they care? Why bother listening to redundant words?

Like I always say, depend on yourself is always better as you will never disappoint yourself. At least you know what you're thinking and you know what's best for you.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015


Sometimes you look at the people around you showing off their happiness.
Immediately, you'll be like "ya, I'm happy with my life."
But are you? Really?
Or is it some lie you keep telling yourself to hide away from the truth?

The source of unhappiness could be happening right before your very eyes.
What if there's no way of stopping it and the only way is to watch the flames die off?
What would you do?

At this point in my life, I'll just hope for the best. If it doesn't happen, then scratch that, move on.
Like I've never done this before.

Maybe one day, one fine bloody day, I will find my happiness.

Tuesday, November 03, 2015

Wake up, my dear

I always get the feeling that the more you desire something, the more impossible it seems.
So if that's the case, should I even expect anything in life?
Everyone has expectations.
How can you live with none?

I guess minimal is fine but at the end of the day, its all about going with the flow and seeing how things go.
I suppose that would be a better way of living than to fill yourself with all these fairy tales.

I need to keep telling myself to be more realistic, to be more in touch with this harsh reality. All this while, all this California dreaming. I need to wake up from it.

Monday, November 02, 2015

Is this right?

Have you ever stopped for a moment to question yourself if what you're doing now is right?
Am I heading towards the right direction?
Am I paving the life that I want for my future?
Is everything in my life right now the right thing for me?

So many questions left unanswered.
Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
You'll never know what the future can turn out to be even though your present might seem too good to be true.
All you can do is hope for the best and hope that whatever fails won't hurt so bad.

I'm trying

Sometimes it's not easy to stay focused on the goals you try to achieve.
Sometimes we fall back.
But what makes the difference of falling back is the attempt to get back up again.
Reminding yourself why you started.
That motivation is what that drives you, the wake up call.

It can be really hard sometimes, but when there's a will, there's a way.

Monday, October 26, 2015

This is where we see you and me

I guess no matter how we try to come to a meeting point and actually stay there, there will be certain situations that we just cannot collide.
Maybe I'm just being a dreamer who believes that we'll always and forever be at that equilibrium.
Maybe one day we will find that position, maybe we won't at all.
Whatever the hell is gonna happen, we'll just wait and see.
I dare not hope, I dare not expect.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Reset needed

Currently, I feel like everything is wrong with me.
My health, career and just, overall life itself.
I’m at a point where I just don’t know what to do.
I'm so tired of everything. I need an escape. An escape from everything and everyone.
I feel like isolating myself from everyone because I don’t need anymore negativity in my life.
Especially not at this time.
I wish I can get myself back together in one piece. Get a hold of myself.
I feel like i need a reset button.

I dunno what's wrong with me.
Maybe I'm PMSing.
But whatever it is, everything just feels horrid.

Monday, May 25, 2015

Well, hello.

I was scrolling back at some of my old post and realized that I was posting so much emo shit for the past year.
Well, I do let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. Ok, maybe all the time.
But its funny how things can turn out.
When you look at yourself back then and now, its a hugeeee difference.

Well things seem a little bit more positive now and I'm glad about that. I guess its about time I met someone who I deserve.

Things really happen when you least expect. All I hope this time is that it really works out. For good.