Monday, December 19, 2016


I thought I can change my perception about life after reading The Monk who Sold his Ferrari.
Well, it did, for a moment.
Unfortunately, the positivity didn't really quite stick to me that long.

I keep having all these thoughts in my head over the things that are happening.
Often thinking that the outcome is probably bad, as usual.

Is it because I'm so used to being in the rut that I often conclude that my life is pretty much gonna end the same way as it always has.

I always hope that things will be different this time, as cliche as it sounds.
But honestly, I really do hope and live the chance to say something like that.
It would be nice if things turn out the way I want to.

Sunday, December 18, 2016


One thing I like about working is that it keeps your mind occupied.
So there isn't time for you to over think certain situations in your life.
But once you're off the clock, that's when you have time to think and then, over think.
Very unhealthy, I know.
But I keep reminding myself to stay positive.
Giving the benefit of the doubt for all these situations.
Every night, I comfort myself by telling myself that everything is ok.
Maybe actually, everything IS ok. It's just that I feel that there's always more than meets the eye.
But would I really know?
Would I really know the whole truth if it's meant to be a lie?

Wednesday, December 14, 2016


I wonder if I can be nocturnal.
Live the night, and sleep the day.
Somehow the night time of the day feels so much safer than the day.
Perhaps there's less nonsense to deal with when everyone is asleep.
Doing everything that you want under the dark sky without the crowd.
Watch the moon and stars light up the sky every night while listening to the insects sing at night.
That peace, comfort and solitude.
Sounds just about right.
Just me, myself and the night.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Midnight thoughts

Probably the biggest change this year is changing my job to a much more challenging one. Somehow I'm still surviving, but for how long more is another episode.

I should probably lose more weight.

I can feel myself getting older. I probably look so too.

Am I making him feel too comfortable? Maybe I should start setting some limits.

I need to find a better book to read. But which one?

I need more money.

I like cooking. Maybe I can open up my own cafe.

Wonder how cold it is in Japan next year. Should I bring more jackets?

Are we on the same page or drifting apart? I wonder what kind of future he sees with me. Or is there even one at all?

Why am I having so much sleepless nights?

Can I die due to lack of sleep and over working?


I think what my sister said is true.
To be bluntly honest because guys can't figure out what you want if you're beating around the bush.

I guess that's probably how I got more quality time, which is better than none.
Although, some things have changed, a lot..

But what really annoys me now is how his peers are trying to influence every aspect of his life to a point whereby he's just another dog jumping into their bandwagon. Although, he denies.

I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the unfavoured outsider due to my different taste in life. Plus, why the fuck should I comply to your standards? Who the hell do you think you are? I wouldn't be surprised as well if you're trying to brainwash him to your ideology.

However, sometimes I really get confused by him as well. Sometimes he's like against them but also he's with them. Like, I don't even get it.